Finding friends as an adult can be hard, especially when you’re living abroad in Italy, as I am. However, sometimes it is easier than you think. If you can’t find that friend, maybe you should start by becoming one.
Be The Friend You Needed
Be that friend you needed when you first moved abroad. Just like you, there are thousands of people facing big changes. They are living in a new country for the first time, or perhaps they have just moved cities. Remember how much you struggled with the little things that nobody explained to you? How alone did you feel those first few weeks? Remember how much lighter the burden felt when you finally started creating your own circle?
Everyone speaks about the beauty of exploring a new culture. But nobody warns you about the slight fear of doing it on your own. Sure having someone to call on a bad day is great. How about having a person to share your new daily life with?
Company makes great days even greater.
Harder Is Not Always Enough
Most people tell you to try “harder” when you say that you crave a social life. It’s not the effort, it’s the place where you’re looking for. There are barriers to solve first, from the language gap to the cultural sphere that defines behavior and social rules.
Some Tips:
Learn the language: It may sound obvious, but many people expect to find groups speaking only English. While it is possible, it is much harder. The suggestion? Learn the basics. You don’t need to be perfect, just confident enough to catch the drift of the conversation and give some “English-Italian” answers to start.
Find hobbies: Step out of your comfort zone. Life is not just your apartment and your job or university; there is a world outside! The best way to connect with new people is by finding a shared passion. Try new sports, go to a pub crawl, schedule a cooking lesson, or join casual language exchange aperitifs organized by local clubs.
Start conversations: Don’t wait for someone to call you first. Start the conversation yourself. Ask people out more often. Find interesting activities that you are genuinely interested in and ask if somebody wants to join you. If everyone is afraid of hearing “no,” who is ever going to ask?
Where To Find Your Future Friends
You are not alone. Most young adults have felt stuck in a similar situation. The truth is, maybe nobody knows how to make friends anymore, or we simply forget how we used to make friends as children. By the time you reach your 20s, it is common for people to already have established groups.
Here are some activity ideas to find your community:
- Hiking: This couldn’t be missed. It is the number one activity for those in Northern Italy. Bonus: If you reach the top of the mountain, there are usually rifugios (mountain huts) where you can get warm Austrian-style food and cheap beer. It’s not expensive at all. The only requirement? Being in decent physical condition!
- Running: No jokes here. Running clubs are the most international activity you will find in almost every city. It offers small talk and great motivation if you are a beginner looking for a free sport. If you are lucky, the group will end up in a bar to celebrate the corsa.
- Dancing: Great for meeting many people in a short time, though bad for those with two left feet! You will certainly enjoy the music and the variety of people who go to classes. You can often find free classes once in a while, but to be consistent, you may have to pay a monthly commitment fee.
To Find A Friend, Be A Friend
Be friendly. Be open to going to events. And most importantly: show up. A friendship is like a plant; you need to take care of it to cultivate it.
In Italy, people express their emotions in a very straight way. Show interest in other people by hugging (when it’s not a formal occasion). Let’s avoid giving two cheek kisses to your professor or boss! But for new friends, it is a way to tell them you consider them part of your circle now, not a stranger.
Offering to pay for their coffee once in a while is also considered a great sign of friendship. It implies you will meet again so they can return the favor(even though you shouldn’t view offering a coffee as a transaction).
Check up on your new friends. Text them regularly, without being too intense. Don’t be afraid to say hello when you bump into them on the street. Ask them about their lives, not just about work. Lastly, make an effort to understand the local culture. Remember that what is appropriate back home might be inappropriate here, and vice versa. There isn’t a better way to make an Italian friend than by showing interest in their culture.
A great conversation starter that never fails? Food. Ask what they have eaten, tell them what you are learning to cook, what restaurant you are planning to try, or start the ultimate debate: Team Pandoro o Panettone?
